Few things mean more in life than family, so roadblocks to forming a family can be devastating, frustrating and a heavy burden on the mind. While fertility medicine has progressed tremendously, allowing many couples to have children who previously couldn’t, coping with the stresses of infertility in the moment is still incredibly difficult. Here are some tips.

1. Be Sad About It If You Want

You’ve finally made the big decision to start a family or have another child, and then you find out that might not happen as planned. This can be a shocking, disheartening experience. It may feel like a tragedy, and that is perfectly understandable. Partners need to let each other grieve if that is what their feelings lead them to. Expression of grief can relieve tension that needs to be released.

2. Choose a Path Together

Be clear with your spouse about what paths you are comfortable with. Some fertility treatments aren’t enormously time consuming or financially burdensome, while others require serious consideration. The stresses of infertility become exponential when time and money start to weigh on the mind. Settle questions together about things like donor egg and sperm, about how much money you might be willing to spend, and other important questions. Consult with an infertility specialist to make sure you understand the ins and outs of infertility medicine.

3. Don’t Let Romance Die

Don’t let romance and sex become a scheduled chore. Rediscover why you value your spouse, and how to rely on each other. Many couples grow closer together through the infertility experience, while others stumble.

4. Don’t Let Infertility Consume Your Life

Easier said than done of course. Some women have left careers in order to be mothers, and many couples have invested serious time and money in preparing for a family. Infertility can be a huge mental stumbling block, throwing the rest of life out of sync. Hobbies, renewing old friendships, and acquiring new skills can do wonders in this situation.